I tried to warn you.

I'm sorry to say that this is not the movie you will be watching. The movie you are about to see is extremely unpleasant. If you wish to see a film about a happy little elf I'm sure there is still plenty of seating in theatre number two.

However, if you like stories about clever and reasonably attractive orphans, suspicious fires, carnivorous leeches, Italian food and secret organizations, then stay, as I retrace each and every one of the Baudelaire children's woeful steps.

My name is Lemony Snicket,and it is my sad duty to document this tale. Violet Baudelaire, the eldest, was one of the finest fourteenth inventors of the world. Anyone who knew Violet well, could tell she was inventing something, when her long hair was tied up in a ribbon. In a world of abandoned items and discarded materials, Violet knew it was always something.

Something she could fashion into nearly any device for nearly every occasion. And no one was better to test her inventions than her brother. Klaus Baudelaire, the middle child, loved books. Or rather, the things he learned from books. The Baudelaire parents had an enormous library in their mansion, a room filled with thousands of books on nearly every subject. And nothing pleased Klaus more than spending an afternoon filling up his head with their contents. And everything he read, he remembered.

Sunny, the youngest, had a different interest.
She liked to bite things and had four sharp things.
There was very litlle Sunny did not enjoy biting.
Sunny was at an age, when one mostly speaks
in a series of unintelligible shrieks.
For instance “Gack!” which probably meant,
“Look at that mysterious figure emerging from the fog!”
Or perhaps, "What is a banker like Mr. Poe doing,
trudging trough the sand to find us at Briny Beach?"

If you have ever lost someone very important to you, then you already
know how it feels; and if you haven't, you cannot possibly imagine it.
No one knows the precise cause of the Baudelaire fire.

And just like that the Baudelaire children became the Baudalaire Orphans.
I tried to warn you.

This is an excellent opportunity to leave of the movies,
living room or airplane where this film is being showed.
It is not very late to see a film on a happy elf.

Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events (2004), Brad Silberling.