You wanna know what men are really thinking?
'Cause I could tell you.
Would you like to know?
Alright, I'll tell you.
Nothing. We're not thinking anything.
We're just walking around, looking around.
This is the only natural inclination of men.
To just kinda check stuff out.
We work because they force us to,
but other than that,
this is really the only thing we wanna do.
We like women, we want women.
But that's pretty much as far as we've thought.
That's why we're honking car horns,
yelling from construction sites...
these are the best ideas we've had so far.
Honking the car horn amazes me!
This is gotta be just the last living brain cell
in this guys skull that comes up with this idea.
She's on the street, he's in the car.
"I think I made my point."
What is she supposed to do?
Kick off the heel, start running after the car?
Grab on to the bumper?
The car comes to a stop...
"It's a good thing you honked."
"I had no idea how you felt."
Why do men behave in these ways?
Why are we rude, obnoxious, getting drunk,
falling down, peeling rubber, making kissing...
Why are we like this?
I know what you ladies are thinking...
"No, no, not my guy.
I'm working with him, he's coming along."
No, he's not.
He's not coming anywhere.
We, men, know: no matter how poorly we behave,
it seems we will somehow end up
with women anyway.
Look around this room.
Look at all the men you see with lovely women.
Do you think these are special men?
Gifted men? One of a kind men?
They're the same jerks as any of the ones
that I'm talking about.
They're doing just fine.
Men, as an organization,
are getting more women than any other group
working anywhere in the world today.
Wherever women are,
we have men looking into the situation right now.
We explored the Earth looking for women.
We even went to the Moon
just to see if there were any women there.
That's why we brought that little car.
Why would you bring a car,
unless there's some chance of going on a date?
What the hell were they doing with a car
on the goddamn Moon?
You're on the Moon already!
Isn't that far enough?
There is no more male idea
in the history of the universe than:
"why don't we fly up to the Moon
and drive around?"
That is the essence of male thinking right there.
All men kinda think of themselves
like low-level super-heroes in their own world.
I'm not even supposed to be telling you this.
But when men are growing up and are reading
about Batman, Spiderman, Superman...
these aren't fantasies.
These are options.
Jerry Seinfeld, I'm telling you for the last time.